How to rebuild trust in a relationship

Broken trust is one of the most common reasons that couples seek out relationship  counselling in Sydney.

Infidelity and broken trust are common issues within relationships, and are navigated by far more couples than you may think. One source suggests that 40–50 % of couples are estimated to have experienced cheating within their relationship. In an Australian Institute of Family Studies survey, one fifth of Australian divorcees blamed their divorce or separation on infidelity.

However, for many couples, infidelity is not the end. When both parties are committed to rebuilding the trust, empathising with their partner, and getting to the root of any problems in the foundation of the relationship, reconciliation is possible.

Where there has been a serious breach of trust, one of the best things you can do for the health of your relationship is seek the support of an experienced relationship counsellor or psychologist Sydney CBD. Your relationship counsellor can help you tackle the more difficult conversations, and create a safe space to rebuild trust. In fact, studies suggest that couples navigating infidelity are more likely to reconcile when working with a relationship counsellor.

The time after infidelity can be an uncertain time, and if this is something you’re working through, you likely have many questions. The following article will address common subjects like:

·       How to rebuild trust in a relationship after cheating?

·       How to rebuild trust in a relationship after lying?

·       And, how long to rebuild trust in a relationship?

Remember, reconciliation is possible. In one survey of about 1,000 couples where trust had been broken through betrayal, around 86 % of couples who committed fully to rebuilding trust stayed together when both partners were open, transparent and willing to work through the process honestly.|

The role of trust in a relationship

Trust forms part of the beliefs that we hold, both in ourselves and others. For many, our partner is the person we trust most in the world, and the person with whom we have been most vulnerable and open. Our partner often plays a key role in our feelings of emotional safety and security. This is just one of the reasons why our partner’s betrayal can cut so deeply. Certain breaches of trust can also make us question ourselves— our own judgement, our own feelings, and our own decisions as we navigate whether to stay or go.

Regaining trust is a two-way street, and often involves a holistic reassessment of what trust looks like for you, both individually, and as a couple. Through infidelity, many couples identify patterns of trust and attachment that formed in early childhood, or else in previous relationships. Studies show that individuals’ attachment styles (e.g. anxious or avoidant) and their past experiences of relationship breakdowns influence how much trust they feel and how easily it can be rebuilt.

In order to salvage a relationship, it is often necessary to go back to the drawing board and ask yourself:

·       What have I learned about myself through this experience, and what does that mean for me moving forward?

·       What do I need from my partner to feel emotionally safe again?

·       What patterns or behaviours do I want to change to support a healthier dynamic?

·       What boundaries and agreements do we need to set to protect trust in our relationship?

This is not a checkbox questionnaire, and knowing the answers won’t necessarily guarantee the health and longevity of your relationship. However, they do create a space for honest, two‑way conversations that rebuild understanding and connection over time.

How to rebuild trust in a relationship after betrayal

The bounds and rules of every relationship are different. With our partner, we build the boundaries of what we are comfortable, or uncomfortable with. What the boundaries are isn’t as important as whether they are respected. In fact, many people have different definitions of what constitutes cheating.

In a large Australian survey, 50% of respondents said subscribing to explicit adult content (like OnlyFans) counts as cheating, while 42% said it depends on the nature of the interaction — showing evolving views on what constitutes infidelity. Depending on the boundaries of your relationship, you may or may not consider digital interactions to be cheating.

A betrayal of trust is not necessarily even related to monogamy. For some, a betrayal of trust may mean financial dishonesty, going back on your word, or duplicitous behaviour. Wherever you and your partner have mutually agreed to draw the line is the boundary, and the moment they cross that line, trust has been broken.

Rebuilding that trust is possible with time and commitment. The following is a rough guide on how to rebuild broken trust in a relationship:

1.  Acknowledge the betrayal honestly. The first step is full recognition of what happened and the hurt it caused. Acknowledgement lays the foundation for repair because unacknowledged pain continues to erode trust.

2.  Transparent communication. Vulnerable communication supports emotional intimacy and reduces ambiguity, which is a key barrier to trust recovery.

3.  Consistent honesty and transparency over time. Trust is rebuilt with consistent actions. Daily transparency (willingly sharing information, answering questions honestly) helps replace secrecy with predictability.

4.  Professional guidance where needed. Structured support from an experienced couples therapist in Sydney can accelerate and stabilise trust rebuilding by providing a safe space for difficult conversations and teaching effective communication patterns. Couples who engage in therapy are better equipped to navigate the complex emotions and behavioural patterns after betrayal.

5.  Accountability and behaviour change. This means being accountable for actions that caused harm and collaborating on clear agreements that protect trust going forward.

6.  Patience and gradual rebuilding of emotional safety. Emotional reactions to betrayal can affect how receptive a partner is to apologies and repair efforts. Deep negative emotions can slow trust rebuilding. Rebuilding trust can take months or years, and patience is essential.

7.  Re‑establishing connection and support. As trust begins to reform, couples can start reconnecting through positive shared experiences and new, trust‑affirming patterns that over time replace the old, hurtful dynamics.

Identifying the root cause of betrayal

If you want to know how to rebuild trust in a relationship after infidelity, you often need to return to the root cause.

Understanding why betrayal happened isn’t about assigning blame but it is often necessary to uncover the underlying drivers that led to the breach in trust. At its core, betrayal is a violation of trust and confidence in a relationship, whether that’s through infidelity or other broken agreements, and it produces deep emotional conflict because it shatters the safety you expected from someone you relied on.

Betrayal rarely arises out of one single moment in isolation. Often it’s rooted in a mix of psychological, emotional and relational factors that have been building beneath the surface. For example, people may act out of unfulfilled emotional needs or unmet intimacy, seeking connection outside the relationship when they feel disconnected, lonely or unseen. Sometimes betrayal reflects unresolved patterns from earlier attachment experiences, where people haven’t developed the emotional tools to express vulnerability, regulate stress, or communicate needs effectively. In other cases, betrayal comes from situational and coping pressures, like stress, burnout or identity loss, where the person makes decisions that offer temporary relief or a sense of control, even though they ultimately harm the relationship.

Identifying the root cause means exploring sometimes uncomfortable questions like:

·       What emotional needs were unmet?

·       Were there patterns of avoidance and secrecy?

·       Did past relationship experiences shape how each partner responds to vulnerability?

How Sentient Professional Wellbeing can help:

Staying together doesn’t happen by accident.

Taking care of the trust in your relationships looks different for everyone. Whether you’re navigating infidelity, a change in dynamics, or a broader breach of trust, Sentient Professional Wellbeing can provide the support you need to make healthy choices for your relationship.  

At Sentient Professional Wellbeing, we’re experts in all kinds of relationships. Our experienced, LGBTQIA+ friendly Sydney psychologists are passionate about helping you make a change—both in your relationship, and in yourself.